It has been more than 9 weeks since Penang Ultra. They say that pain is temporary, but glory lives forever.
Glory, it seems, is not as rosy as I thought. For the past 64 days, it has been a struggle. What used to be so natural, I no longer can glide across the Batu Lintang pathways. My feet weigh a tonne. My mind has refused to associate running as something relaxing.
With less than 2 months toward TNF 100 Thailand, I am afraid. And this fear drives me out of the door, despite how difficult it is.
As a result (or so I think), the body reacts. I was sick for 2 weeks. This was followed by a diagnosis of a swollen lumbar.
I ran my longest run since, 24km on Sunday evening.
It took 3hrs30mins.
I am, indeed, very afraid.
“Glory lives forever.” Maybe it does for most. You struggled through the pain, work hard, and when you least expect it, you attain that goal.
It could be a sub-4 marathon, a 100 miler, or even a 10km run for someone who have never ran before. It is indeed something to be proud of. This is your legacy.
It seems reasonable to stop at that point. Why put your body through all the pain again? Why re-invent the wheel? Why don’t you start reaping the rewards?
Because, for me, there is no reward to reap. Not yet.
Glory last for a day, or a week. Then it is back to the grind.
I do not want to subscribe to the phrase “I used to be able to…”. I believe there is more potential waiting to be uncovered.
I am only 1% done.
Perhaps I was never an athletic person. I was never gifted, or talented enough, to do anything really. Everything was created from the bottom. Out of sheer hard work. These are the products that was built clean, out of sweat, blood and tears. No shortcuts. No advantages.
And perhaps, this will also be the reason that I do not understand limits. And this potentially drive me to the ground.
There must be something that I am missing from this picture. Some angle which I have not caught yet.
And I hope, as I train for my 3rd 100km, I can find it.
Or a speck of it.